The one we lost

by Michael H. 

Her name…here, most people would say “was” because I am referring to a child lost during a miscarriage, but I say her name “is”…Sam, short for Samantha. 

Like her shortened name, her time on this earth was shortened as well. For several months, she grew and became a part of our lives. While still in the womb and developing, she became a living presence to us. We had plans for Sam and couldn’t wait to meet her and introduce her to her big brother. 

However, plans change. One day, while getting ready for an amniocentesis procedure (due to age), they stopped the process and informed my wife the fetus was no longer viable. She needed to have a dilation and curettage (D&C) procedure immediately. Our daughter Sam’s life had ended before it even began. 

I could write more about the day, the nervousness and anticipation of the amniocentesis procedure, the stunned silence after the pronouncement of the need for the D&C, the sudden change in plans, the sickening feelings of grief, and the profound impact this had, and still has, on our lives. But, I don’t want to. 

I just want to say our daughter died one day. And even though it was long ago, I grieved her then, and I do to this day. She never got the chance to grow into a baby, a sister, a little girl, a young woman, and then a fully grown woman. My daughter’s name “is” Sam, short for Samantha. I loved her then, and I do now.

​- Sam's Dad